My Indian Bride

When I was young I used to laugh at my Indian friend. He was always going on trips back to India because his family members where always getting married. I would always ask him "Who's he getting married to?" and he would reply "Dunno. Some girl." They were generally arranged marriages. Mutual parental set-ups. We used to joke that it would happen to him one day. He would leave for India and return +1. 

"Nah, Nah, f*** that s*** man" he said.

Later, in my earlier twenties, I made a trip to India and spent several months there. I had felt the need to eat curry, as well as to escape in general and find enlightenment, but during which time I would learn other things.

Although modernizing, the Indian culture (in general) may seem a little backward from that of the West regarding relationships. The majority of India's population are Hindu, and like Islam, take a very conservative sleight on unwed male/female dynamics. For example in more conservative areas, dating does not exist and in the street it would be uncommon for a female to approach a male or vice versa.

I had travelled in India with a girl, although not a girlfriend and it was always assumed that we were married. They would ask "How long have you two been married?" or "How many children do you have?" Sometimes my friend would wear a fake wedding band and lie to make conversations easier, other times I would just tell the truth. "What do you mean you are not married?!" they would say surprised, shocked, jealous, in awe - there were a wide range of responses. "Why are you two traveling together?" they would often follow on. To which we would reply "We're friends", a just response, or so we thought.

They would then look at us with scrutiny and judgement. They would question us again. 

"Friends?"

"Yes. Friends." we would reply.

"Friends? They would question again. Usually the guys.

"Yes. Friends."

They paused. Then decided that we were lying. There was no truth in such words. They imagined us having wild sex, covered in various juices, in numerous positions, emanating uncontrollable screams of pleasure, and doing so in public as they watched.

"Friends" I say. Their eyes still on us, questioning, disbelieving. "Just friends" as honestly as I could say the words.

Imagine a life without male-female premarital interaction. Imagine no dating? Imagine having to steal off into the night, into the densest regions of a public park just to have a private conversation, hold hands, kiss?

That's how sexually repressed and frustrated India can be. In the streets you see young men holding hands and being affectionate. On the trains you see them falling asleep in each others laps, stroking each other playfully, while the young women do the same but segregated from their male counter-parts. An invisible wall in-between. Socially and culturally they are captive, not destined to not meet until of age and mutual parental arrangement. 

Madness. That's what I thought at the time. 

But now I am older, nearly 27, a broken man after many years of freedom and choice.

I had a chat recently with my same Indian mate just before he went back to yet another relative's wedding in India. 

"Who's getting married?" I asked. 

"My cousin" he said. 

"Which cousin?" I enquired further.

"Hamesh." 

Hamesh was a cousin I knew. Our age.

Lately I have been pondering arranged marriages, the plausibility of them and their effectiveness. They're actually better than they may sound. My friend tells me that nowadays your parents don't just set you up with one woman, but an assortment of possibilities. Once the list has been finalized, you can meet up with each of them and go on dates to assess compatibility for marriage like participating in some kind of 'Indian Bachelor'. He admits that as much as he was opposed to the idea growing up, it could actually be not such a bad idea.

It makes sense in some ways.

Everything is organized. Both parties are ready for commitment and marriage. No parental arguments as both have already consented and approved.

And as for Indian woman... There are some really attractive ones. They love cricket. They cook curry... 

Who needs love?

How much is an air fare to Mumbai?