Finding it

Sometimes you’ll be in a place and all you want to do is find it. You’ll feel completely lost, completely incapable, completely hopeless. You will search high and low, near and far but the feeling and the loss is inescapable. You’ll be walking alone, amongst the crowd and the traffic. You’ll blast music in your ears without listening. Words will not make sense and emotions will only polish the edge of something you cannot convey. There will be silence when all you want to hear is a small clear voice. There will be noise, deafening scrambled noise when all you want to hear is quiet. There will be this small seemingly insignificant spot inside you that is empty and in realizing this you will discover that that small insignificant spot is actually all that needs to be filled and the remaining space has no bearing or importance in life whatsoever. You will retrace your steps till you found the point where you went wrong. You will remember the time when you had or was close to finding it. You’ll remember how important this thing was. You will realize that this is all that really matters. That this is all you need. Then you will carry on. You feel the sun on your face and the ground at your feet. You will continue as you always continued in all the noise and lights. In all the hum and all the fuss. You’ll run and watch everything blur like everyone else. You’ll watch everything get complicated. The world is a dizzying kaleidoscope. You’ll find yourself lost again. You’ll realize how far you have traveled from where you were. You’ll be in that same place. Completely lost, feeling completely incapable, hopeless. The scenery and the happenings and interactions that fill it will suddenly seem all disconnected. And all you’ll want to do is find it...